Expectations: The Stories We Write About the Future
Expectations live in the future.
They are quiet predictions. Small mental drafts of how something will unfold. We imagine how someone will respond, how an event will go, or how a season of life will feel. Often we don’t realize we’ve written the script.
An expectation can be as simple as:
“They’ll call me back.”
“They’ll appreciate this.”
“This will feel easier.”
“I’ll be happier once this happens.”
Expectations are not inherently problematic. They help us plan, prepare and move forward, The challenge arises when we confuse expectation with certainty.
When Reality Enters the Room
Expectations create an emotional bridge between the present and the future. When reality arrives, our nervous system compares the outcome to the story we wrote. If reality aligns closely with the expectation, the emotional response is softer.
If reality deviates sharply, the response intensifies.
Surprise
Joy
Disappointment
Anger
Resentment
The size of the emotional wave often reflects the size of the gap between what we imagined and what occurred. The greater the gap, the greater the impact.
Expectations Carry Beliefs
Expectations are not neutral forecasts. They are shaped by our belief systems.
Beliefs about fairness.
Beliefs about loyalty.
Beliefs about how relationships “should” work.
Beliefs about effort, appreciation, reciprocity.
When an outcome doesn’t align with beliefs, the emotional response can feel personal and can be destabilizing.
We may not look at is as “that didn’t happen”, but look at it as “that shouldn’t have happened”. Understanding the distinction between awareness and blame is powerfully important.
Realistic Expectations and Historical Data
When we expect behaviors from others it is important to take in past behaviors and patterns.
Has this person historically shown up for me in this way?
Have they shown that they have this ability before?
Expecting someone to behave outside their established pattern without evidence of change often leads to repeated disappointment.
This isn’t cynicism. It’s clarity.
Realistic expectations are informed by history, not hope alone. Hope can remain. But it becomes steadier when paired with data.
The Work of Awareness
It’s not about eliminating expectations entirely. It is more about examining them.
What am I expecting of them right now?
Is this expectation realistic based on past patterns?
What belief is underneath this expectation?
If this doesn’t end the way I imagine, how do I want to respond?
Expectations don’t need to disappear. We get to hold them with flexibility.
Let’s loosen our grip
When we loosen our grip on how things “must” go, we create space for regulation rather than reaction.
Let March be about softening the script.
Not lowering standards. Not abandoning desires.
Simply allowing reality to co-author the script.
