The Truth About Lying (and Why ADHD Might Make It Harder Not To)
Let’s be honest—we all lie.
Sometimes it's a white lie to avoid hurting someone's feelings. Other times, it's to sidestep conflict, save face, or just make life a little easier.
Lying, while frowned upon, is a very human thing to do.
But for some people—particularly those living with ADHD—lying isn't always a calculated choice. Sometimes it’s reflexive. Sometimes it’s emotional. And often, it’s misunderstood.
Why Do We Lie?
We lie to protect ourselves, to avoid shame, to smooth over awkward situations. It's not always about manipulation or deceit. It’s often about coping.
For people with ADHD, lying can be a survival mechanism rooted in a brain that’s wired to react first and process later.
Let’s break down some reasons why ADHD might make lying more common (but not more intentional).
1. Impulsivity and the "Oops Lie"
People with ADHD are often impulsive. That means they might blurt out a lie without fully thinking it through—especially if they feel cornered, nervous, or embarrassed.
It’s not premeditated—it’s reactive.
🧠 Real Talk: That “Oh yeah, I totally sent that email!” moment? It might happen before their brain even catches up with the truth.
2. Shame and the Fear of Letting Others Down
Living with ADHD often means struggling to meet deadlines, follow through, or stay organized. That can lead to a deep sense of shame.
When you’re afraid of being seen as unreliable, lying can feel like the easiest escape route.
3. Forgetfulness and Time Blindness
It’s not that someone with ADHD doesn’t care. They just genuinely may have no memory of what they forgot.
Instead of owning up to it, they might cover it up—not because they’re dishonest, but because they’re tired of disappointing others (and themselves).
4. Rejection Sensitivity and People-Pleasing
ADHD and Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) often go hand-in-hand. That means criticism, real or perceived, can feel excruciating.
To avoid being judged, many with ADHD say what they think others want to hear—even if it’s not entirely true.
“Truth builds trust even when it’s hard”
This Isn’t About Making Excuses
Let’s be clear: lying can hurt relationships, break trust, and cause personal stress. The goal here isn’t to excuse it.
It’s to understand why it happens—and how to work through it with awareness and compassion.
So, How Do You Break the Habit?
Here are a few ways to shift the cycle:
✅ Be gentle with yourself. Guilt and shame fuel the fire. Self-compassion puts it out.
✅ Name the emotion in the moment. Are you scared of judgment? Feeling overwhelmed? That awareness is powerful.
✅ Buy yourself time. Say “Let me check and get back to you” instead of blurting out a rushed answer.
✅ Use tools that help with memory and time. Alarms, lists, and visual cues reduce the need to cover things up later.
✅ Practice being honest—especially when it’s hard. Truth builds connection, especially with the people who really see you.
Gentle Reminder
We all lie, and for various reasons; however, awareness of when you are lying promotes self-growth.
Final Words
Lying is part of being human. But when it’s rooted in ADHD, it’s usually less about deceit and more about survival, shame, and a desire to do better—even when the tools aren’t always there.
At Urban Fern CoActive, I believe in supporting people as they untangle those patterns, without judgment. Because truth isn’t just about what we say—it’s also about understanding who we are.
🌿 You are not your lies. You are your effort to grow beyond them.
Want support in navigating ADHD, communication, or shame resilience?
📩 Schedule a Discovery Call, and we can start this journey.
